Two used to be my favorite number. I liked two but I think it's cursed. In two years, I've lost the two things that meant the most to me.
Time for a new number....
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Unamusing Amusment Park...
The roller coaster picked me up again this evening. I've been told it's part of the healing process but for goodness sake, I'm ready to be healed!! Oh heal me, Big Cheese, heal me! I have little patience with myself sometimes. I know I need to go through all of this but it's tiresome. I'm not particularly good with emotions, generally and these strong ones are just irksome.
But I've made another new friend and some good decisions. I'm looking forward to starting boxing lessons - no, there will NOT be a YouTube channel for this, even though it was requested. I can only imagine the hilarity as I wind up on my butt repeatedly....I also want to start taking violin lessons again as I've talked about.
The anniversary of Abby's death is coming up...I'm not sure how that's going to go given my current state, but again, what doesn't kill us makes us...crazier? LOL if that's even possible.
Anyway, another day draws to a close and I'm still here.
Song of the day, an old one but it's been in my head alllll day long:
But I've made another new friend and some good decisions. I'm looking forward to starting boxing lessons - no, there will NOT be a YouTube channel for this, even though it was requested. I can only imagine the hilarity as I wind up on my butt repeatedly....I also want to start taking violin lessons again as I've talked about.
The anniversary of Abby's death is coming up...I'm not sure how that's going to go given my current state, but again, what doesn't kill us makes us...crazier? LOL if that's even possible.
Anyway, another day draws to a close and I'm still here.
Song of the day, an old one but it's been in my head alllll day long:
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Saying Goodbye...
Since everything is in upheaval as it stands, and you know I cannot just let it all be and heal. I've got to poke the wounds with a salted stick. I probably need a support group or something or intervention but I am working to give up my biggest addiction. I think it is time and while my heart is in a million pieces, I figure another break won't cause much more in the way of hurt.
I've been doing well and I would like this to continue. I need to shed some of this virtual for a bit more real. :-) I've made steps in the right direction and want to keep going! Need to get out of my comfort zone a little more. I keep pushing the boundaries and venturing further and further away.
Soon, I will be able to spread my wings....And then, I shall defy gravity! :P
I've been doing well and I would like this to continue. I need to shed some of this virtual for a bit more real. :-) I've made steps in the right direction and want to keep going! Need to get out of my comfort zone a little more. I keep pushing the boundaries and venturing further and further away.
Soon, I will be able to spread my wings....And then, I shall defy gravity! :P
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Brunch and Snowball Fights
There is no better way to recover from a snowball fight than a hot, candle lit bath - yes, I do have my girly moments....
Try as I might, I could not shake the chill upon my return home, until I drew a steaming bath, tamped my earphones firmly into my ears and slid in....The warm, scented water, swelling around my body as I eased myself down. Enveloped and engulfed.
I gave myself over completely, body and soul...letting the water lap at my skin, while the music filled my head. Warmth caressed me, my toes, my calves, making its way to my thighs, I sunk lower, letting all but my head submerge.
Heat penetrated, my muscles melting in response, slipping me into almost a trance like state. I stayed motionless, my mind drifting along unexplored planes, letting myself get carried to and fro, as if waves were gently pushing my thoughts along....
As the water began to cool, I forced myself up, a soft fluffy towel awaiting me. My hair once pinned neatly atop my head, cascaded down around my shoulders reminding me that I should get a hair cut soon, at least before the fund raiser next month.
I dried and revelled in my state, warmed and relaxed and content....
Try as I might, I could not shake the chill upon my return home, until I drew a steaming bath, tamped my earphones firmly into my ears and slid in....The warm, scented water, swelling around my body as I eased myself down. Enveloped and engulfed.
I gave myself over completely, body and soul...letting the water lap at my skin, while the music filled my head. Warmth caressed me, my toes, my calves, making its way to my thighs, I sunk lower, letting all but my head submerge.
Heat penetrated, my muscles melting in response, slipping me into almost a trance like state. I stayed motionless, my mind drifting along unexplored planes, letting myself get carried to and fro, as if waves were gently pushing my thoughts along....
As the water began to cool, I forced myself up, a soft fluffy towel awaiting me. My hair once pinned neatly atop my head, cascaded down around my shoulders reminding me that I should get a hair cut soon, at least before the fund raiser next month.
I dried and revelled in my state, warmed and relaxed and content....
Friday, January 20, 2012
:-) :-) :-)
I awoke this morning to a crisp winter day, full of promise. There was a smile on my face and a song in my heart (though it made it's way to my lips) as I climbed out of bed. I slipped from between the covers and into a hot, joyful shower...Put curlers on my head and dressed, my favorite purple cardigan and sparkly tank top.
I removed the ring from my finger, the one I wore for the last two years and tucked it away in my jewelry box, forever. My fingers found their way to a pretty silver charm necklace and clasped it around my neck.
A cup of hot coffee kept me company and I sang the whole way to the office where even the most demanding clients couldn't break my spirit. At noon, I frolicked in the snow, singing along to the radio as I cleaned my car free from snow, laughing as I skated around my black beauty, whisking away the fluffy flakes that had accumulated.
I met my new friend for lunch - we had sushi, and discovered we were the only two people in Chicago unaware that there was a winter snow storm approaching. We lingered too long, basking the company of a kindred spirit. We talked of everything and nothing. I forgot how nice it was to have a new friend. So much to discover. We hugged our goodbyes and I dashed off to an afternoon of meetings.
By the time I left work, around four fifteen, the snow had amassed in great quantities. Mini mountains everywhere. My commute turned into three hours in first gear - and yet still, this amazing mood lasted!
I arrived in my parking lot to find they hadn't plowed and my neighbors car was half in my space. Mild irritation began to infiltrate, until my neighbor came over to my window - he had grabbed a shovel from the building closet and he began to shovel my parking space. We talked awhile and he went and got my other neighbor to move his car so I could park more easily....
I stood in the winter night, talking with angels, halos of snow dancing around their heads. I marveled at the wonders of the day, the kindness, the joy, even the snow. And now I head to bed, perchance to dream, the song in my heart and the smile on my lips - ending the day as it began.
I removed the ring from my finger, the one I wore for the last two years and tucked it away in my jewelry box, forever. My fingers found their way to a pretty silver charm necklace and clasped it around my neck.
A cup of hot coffee kept me company and I sang the whole way to the office where even the most demanding clients couldn't break my spirit. At noon, I frolicked in the snow, singing along to the radio as I cleaned my car free from snow, laughing as I skated around my black beauty, whisking away the fluffy flakes that had accumulated.
I met my new friend for lunch - we had sushi, and discovered we were the only two people in Chicago unaware that there was a winter snow storm approaching. We lingered too long, basking the company of a kindred spirit. We talked of everything and nothing. I forgot how nice it was to have a new friend. So much to discover. We hugged our goodbyes and I dashed off to an afternoon of meetings.
By the time I left work, around four fifteen, the snow had amassed in great quantities. Mini mountains everywhere. My commute turned into three hours in first gear - and yet still, this amazing mood lasted!
I arrived in my parking lot to find they hadn't plowed and my neighbors car was half in my space. Mild irritation began to infiltrate, until my neighbor came over to my window - he had grabbed a shovel from the building closet and he began to shovel my parking space. We talked awhile and he went and got my other neighbor to move his car so I could park more easily....
I stood in the winter night, talking with angels, halos of snow dancing around their heads. I marveled at the wonders of the day, the kindness, the joy, even the snow. And now I head to bed, perchance to dream, the song in my heart and the smile on my lips - ending the day as it began.
Adventures Ahoy!
It may be bitterly cold, but I awoke smiling and singing - looking forward to the day. I may not always understand whats going on but this is a good life and there are adventures ahead - I feel them, they're alive and closer than I imagined!
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