3 years...

It feels like a lifetime without.

I know it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all but there is still this hole in my heart, my life.

I love you, my Abby - always.

Denied....

I was told no, I could not have one for my birthday....So much for having the perfect Boyfriend...

On the second day of Valentine's....

My wonderful Boyfriend decided that we should have dinner in the adorable little Italian restaurant where we had our first date. It's a charming little place, oozing ambiance. We toasted with sparkling water and ate amazing pasta dishes.

It was very romantic and I do appreciate the romantic efforts! He insists that I will be the girl in this relationship - one way or another. Though while we were recreating our first date, kinda, I couldn't actually recall the date of our first date - apparently, I am supposed to know these things because I Am (not) The Girl....We agree it was in August but that's about it. I'm all for winging it. We can celebrate the whole month of August annually, I suppose.

Anyway, after our romantic dinner, I had a craving....A craving for thick, sweet Turkish coffee...We went to a place just a few blocks away only to be turned away ( I won't go into a rant but you can be sure I won't be going back). So I found a Bosnian place not too far away, Boyfriend indulges me so. Sometimes I just need a coffee you can chew. And plus, the tiny little cups and spoons are just too cute.

Now that I should be sleeping but I'm wired from my carafe of Bosnian coffee, I suppose I'll go find something girly to do with myself. Like split some logs or rotate my tires. Or find the inventor of fingernail flowers and go superglue them all over her face.

V-Day

The ever thoughtful and dutiful Boyfriend sent me flowers at work, a beautiful mixed bouquet that arrived shortly after lunch. It was nice considering my clients must have gotten hornets in their bouquets because they were simply boorish. 

We ordered a feast of Indian food and settled in for a movie - he's determined to make me a girl. We watched a romantic comedy - he did warn me that there were no aliens, no massive explosions, etc - I reminded him that my idea of romance was Pitch Black or Terminator, a six pack and NIN on repeat while having carnival monkey sex.
I think the idea of gender roles is fascinating. The things we associate with male and female - assigning acts, mannerisms, and the like to one or the other. I think the lines have blurred significantly in the last 100 years, most certainly, but there is still this divide between the sexes. 

This isn't to say I cannot enjoy a romantic comedy, there are quite a few that I like but it's not my default desire when it comes to movies. Apparently, my desire is typically more masculine - things that blow up, drive fast or are from another planet. But what makes those things particularly masculine?

The whole idea of Valentine's Day is sweet but I really could care less. Don't get me wrong - I love the flowers and they brighten up my desk (sitting next to the pile of Quaker Oatmeal single serving containers) but why is appreciating beauty, like flowers, a generally female thing? 

Woman Problems...

So, I spent - oh, let's say 2 hours, painting my nails a lovely shade of blue to match my new shirt...I went as far as to affix little white flowers to the outer corners of each one...Cute, right? Yeah, until you actually do things, like sleep, or drink coffee or breathe....Then, their little petals rip, or they decide to go on miniature journeys.

According to my boss, Generals don't wear fingernail flowers (he decided that I was behaving like a General lately - apparently it's a compliment). Well, idk about Generals but this girl likes fingernail flowers. Except when the petals tear, or the whole thing gets stuck in your hair or you find one has flipped off and is sitting halfway across your bosses desk....

Boyfriend wasn't particularly sympathetic. He said "Woman problems" - as if I were popping Midol and freaking out about the latest episode of Glee, or some other such nonsense.

Is it asking too much to just have my fingernail flowers last for one whole day? Apparently.....Next time, I'm going to staple them onto my nails. I'd use superglue but that has been banished for fear I'll affix some body part permanently to some other body part. Or some other body entirely.

*sigh*

I give up. I am now going to spend two hours scraping the remaing petals off of my nails - go figure, about a third of them are seemingly cemented on. Between fingernail flowers and pantyhose it's no wonder I think I'm more alien than girl....