Lexapro....

in the light of the sun, is there anyone? oh it has begun...
oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
this world you must've crossed...you said...

you don't know me, you don't even care,
you don't know me, you don't wear my chains...

I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice...

So I have discovered that Lexapro does nothing to soothe when I'm confronted with an emoish song....sigh...

Ugh...

So I'm feeling less enthusiastic about...well...everything today. It's finally raining....I have a new hobby, called Scambaiting....I've yet to start my first bait but I've tried a couple of times and gotten no response from the scammers...Hmmm..can you smell a baiter over the internet? LOL....I think I'm rushing things a bit and I need to take a few steps back...who knows....anyway, I'm noshing on a salad and I have yet to perfect the art of salad eating and typing at the same time...Give me time, I will figure it out....later...

Times like these....

In times of crisis it's so true that your real friends are the ones who rally around you. This has been an interesting experience for me. When people call me a friend or I consider them a "friend" there are things that are implied - certain expectations that are simply understood.

My life has been in a state of crisis for the past few months. Between the chemotherapy, my illnesses, my mothers illness, going back to school, a full time job, and the day to day things that make life, well, the struggle that it often is....my life is just that, a struggle (though I remain optimistic). So, it is during these times that the true meaning of love and friendship are put to the test. And the majority of the people that have been in my life as of late, have sadly failed this test miserably. I believe that some part of me chooses people who are like my father - someone who also failed this test repeatedly. When the going get tough, the weak bail. I don't believe this is coincidental. I just have to unlearn this pattern and be more selective.


I owe my real friends a big thank you! Your true colors have shown through and your support and love and encouragement are appreciated! I love you all and you know who you are. You are the ones that have called me almost daily and emailed me even when I was unable to respond. You are the ones who just sit with me when I can't speak. You are the reason I am getting through with so few scars! :) Thank you, again and again and again.....

Starting over...

Out with the old, in with the new....bit of a shopping spree these last two weeks and, damn, did it feel good or what! I need to get a couple more things and then the spree will be over!

This being single thing is....interesting...I hadn't counted on it. Though when you believe the lies that you're being told you wouldn't...but anyway, I'm not dwelling on the past. I've learned some good lessons and I'm moving on!

Ok, so I need to recap the last few weeks. First, I've gone on 4 very, very odd dates and I've decided to round it out with a fifth on Thursday. The first three were with the same person and I really enjoyed the company and the conversation but apparently my date came with more baggage than a world traveler! Which was too bad because I really could have spent some time comparing side effects of the anti-depressants we're on! Oh well. That was followed up with the date that was just going nowhere and yet seemed to never end...you know the one...For some bizarre reason you order yet another beer and then you kick yourself as it arrives...sigh...So, we'll see what Thursday holds....

My darling niece came to stay with me for the past few days - we had a blast! Movies, facials, shopping, dining, - drinking the wild vines (hee hee). It was low key - mainly because I had so much damn homework - though I am still managing my 4.0! :) Only 6 weeks to go until my graduation and then one more year!

Anyway, I need to be off.

So long, fare thee well.....

'Cause baby it's over now
No need to talk about it
It's not the same
My love for you's just not the same
And my heart, and my heart
And my heart can't stand the strain
And my love, and my love
And my love won't stand the pain
And my heart, and my heart
And my heart can't stand the strain
And my love, and my love
And my love.....

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to you

Glukoza

Ok, this is my favorite Glukoza song/video.

Goodbye.....

I heard there was a secret chord
that David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
Well it goes like this :
The fourth, the fifth, the minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah...

Well your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrough ya
She tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah...

Baby I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew ya
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
But love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah...

There was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do ya
But remember when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah...

Well, maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya
It's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah...