Great Sadness...

Today is a day of loss.

I only knew him a short time, just over a year but he welcomed me, educated me, made me laugh...

I am lucky for having known him at all....I am better for having known him.

Today the world mourns the loss of an amazing man. We can't afford to lose people like him.

Just another display of the unfairness of life.

JC, you will forever be missed. You were taken from us too soon.

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This death, this loss, finds me reflecting and grieving and pretending I am capable of doing anything but these two things.

"This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no-one else can fit it..." (see below for the full quote) - this is how I feel when someone I love dies. There is nothing that fills that hole other than scar tissue, but that is not the same as the living flesh that once occupied that space. It's like filling a cavity.
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“You’ll get over it…” It’s the clichés that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life for ever. You don’t get over it because ‘it” is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes. How could it? The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne by death. This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no-one else can fit it. Why would I want them to?” Jeanette Winterson (taken from a book I read and loved over a decade ago, Written On The Body).

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This man is running around changing lightbulbs.

I don't understand it.

And I want to tell him to stop.

To let us be in our darkness.