Denied....

I was told no, I could not have one for my birthday....So much for having the perfect Boyfriend...

On the second day of Valentine's....

My wonderful Boyfriend decided that we should have dinner in the adorable little Italian restaurant where we had our first date. It's a charming little place, oozing ambiance. We toasted with sparkling water and ate amazing pasta dishes.

It was very romantic and I do appreciate the romantic efforts! He insists that I will be the girl in this relationship - one way or another. Though while we were recreating our first date, kinda, I couldn't actually recall the date of our first date - apparently, I am supposed to know these things because I Am (not) The Girl....We agree it was in August but that's about it. I'm all for winging it. We can celebrate the whole month of August annually, I suppose.

Anyway, after our romantic dinner, I had a craving....A craving for thick, sweet Turkish coffee...We went to a place just a few blocks away only to be turned away ( I won't go into a rant but you can be sure I won't be going back). So I found a Bosnian place not too far away, Boyfriend indulges me so. Sometimes I just need a coffee you can chew. And plus, the tiny little cups and spoons are just too cute.

Now that I should be sleeping but I'm wired from my carafe of Bosnian coffee, I suppose I'll go find something girly to do with myself. Like split some logs or rotate my tires. Or find the inventor of fingernail flowers and go superglue them all over her face.

V-Day

The ever thoughtful and dutiful Boyfriend sent me flowers at work, a beautiful mixed bouquet that arrived shortly after lunch. It was nice considering my clients must have gotten hornets in their bouquets because they were simply boorish. 

We ordered a feast of Indian food and settled in for a movie - he's determined to make me a girl. We watched a romantic comedy - he did warn me that there were no aliens, no massive explosions, etc - I reminded him that my idea of romance was Pitch Black or Terminator, a six pack and NIN on repeat while having carnival monkey sex.
I think the idea of gender roles is fascinating. The things we associate with male and female - assigning acts, mannerisms, and the like to one or the other. I think the lines have blurred significantly in the last 100 years, most certainly, but there is still this divide between the sexes. 

This isn't to say I cannot enjoy a romantic comedy, there are quite a few that I like but it's not my default desire when it comes to movies. Apparently, my desire is typically more masculine - things that blow up, drive fast or are from another planet. But what makes those things particularly masculine?

The whole idea of Valentine's Day is sweet but I really could care less. Don't get me wrong - I love the flowers and they brighten up my desk (sitting next to the pile of Quaker Oatmeal single serving containers) but why is appreciating beauty, like flowers, a generally female thing? 

Woman Problems...

So, I spent - oh, let's say 2 hours, painting my nails a lovely shade of blue to match my new shirt...I went as far as to affix little white flowers to the outer corners of each one...Cute, right? Yeah, until you actually do things, like sleep, or drink coffee or breathe....Then, their little petals rip, or they decide to go on miniature journeys.

According to my boss, Generals don't wear fingernail flowers (he decided that I was behaving like a General lately - apparently it's a compliment). Well, idk about Generals but this girl likes fingernail flowers. Except when the petals tear, or the whole thing gets stuck in your hair or you find one has flipped off and is sitting halfway across your bosses desk....

Boyfriend wasn't particularly sympathetic. He said "Woman problems" - as if I were popping Midol and freaking out about the latest episode of Glee, or some other such nonsense.

Is it asking too much to just have my fingernail flowers last for one whole day? Apparently.....Next time, I'm going to staple them onto my nails. I'd use superglue but that has been banished for fear I'll affix some body part permanently to some other body part. Or some other body entirely.

*sigh*

I give up. I am now going to spend two hours scraping the remaing petals off of my nails - go figure, about a third of them are seemingly cemented on. Between fingernail flowers and pantyhose it's no wonder I think I'm more alien than girl....

It's the end of the world as we know it....

And I feel fiiinnnneeee!  Ah, good old REM....

Well, being that the world is going to end in a few days, I figure I should say something. Other than I'm bringing the stuff to make s'mores on Friday. :-) Or at least some marshmallows for toasting. Mmmm. Toast. I enjoy toast.

I wish I had some parting words o' wisdom, or at least something witty to say but none of it will matter as of Friday. So, I think this says it all. I love you - my friends, my family, all of you. I'd like to say I'll see you in some afterlife but I don't believe in one....

What really pisses me off is I spent like 9 hours shopping last Saturday for Christmas gifts that I won't be able to give or return. Stupid End of the World. Could have at least waited a few days beyond Xmas, you know? Or have been a month ago. But NOooooo.

And I'm still not done shopping but this whole end o' the world will be a really really really good excuse when I don't show up with a present on xmas eve. :-) So not my fault! :P

I've not had enough coffee yet today.

If anyone knows what time the apocalypse is taking place, please let me know. I don't want to be late.

Alrighty, either the world is ending this week, or it's not and the holidays are in full swing. Either way, I'm a busy/dead girl and probably won't have much to say until the new year. Between now and New Years I have shopping and parties and such to get to - as I know you all do too. Or I will be a crispy critter and won't have anything to say/do.

But text/call/email and let me know how you and yours are doing. *Before the apocalypse, please* Undead to undead calls are very expensive!

So let me say this, Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year to each and every one of you. I am happy to ring in another new year with you or die in a horrible burst of flame with you. :-)

Comic Relief

Ok, this actually had me in tears. I don't know a single person who cannot relate to the crazy of predictive text. For example, last night Boyfriend made an attempt at turning something I said into something racy but instead it came out that he wants to be actively involved in my own decomposition.

So when this made it's way onto my Facebook wall:

                                http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/the-25-funniest-autocorrects-of-2012

I couldn't help but read through - totally hysterical. It makes me thankful I don't text my mother or any other family member regularly.

I figure we should all have a good laugh before the world ends on Friday. Enjoy!

Beliefs and Behaviors

Your beliefs don't make you a better person, your behavior does....I saw this quote on Facebook the other day, posted by a good friend. Someone who went from being a staunch Christian to ultimately become an agnostic who is outspoken against hatred, intolerance and ignorance. I think it was an interesting journey for him and one of these days, when we're in person, I'll ask him about it - unfortunately, he lives a bit of a distance away now. 

I've often been asked about how it is that I have morality without having religion. Unfortunately, I don't have an answer, but I find it intriguing that people need the threat of supreme judgement to do the right thing. I can, of course, attribute my behavior to my family but they're equally as heathenish as I am and probably even more moralistic.  

Many people fear consequence - doing the "right" thing out of fear of reprisal from society. But I mean doing the right things without fear - without threat of negative consequences....

I've discovered that I am a secular humanist. But that doesn't tell me why. I think that it comes down to reward - I feel good when the right thing is done and I feel badly when the wrong thing is done. But again, it still begs the question, why? Part of me thinks it is empathy. The ability to imagine what someone else is feeling. But I'm still not sure that that's enough of an answer for the question. 

Too bad my ADD riddled brain was on this tangent and then was yanked into the world of helper monkeys, PCI compliance, facebook, and holiday planning with Boyfriend. Damnit. I'll need to revisit this later. 

Charity

If there's enough interest, I'd like to start a Kiva Lending Team to make a bigger impact. Shoot me an email or a text if you'd like to participate. 

Need more info? Visit: http://www.kiva.org/community

So I'm always looking for little ways to make some kind of contribution to worthy causes every month - especially in the course of every day life. It's not like I'm rolling in money anyway, so when I find something like this, it's really awesome.

As I'm sure you know, I play World of Warcraft with my Grasshopper (aka Hopper, RyGuy, etc.). And being that it was his birthday recently, I wanted to get him a little something because I am thankful for the day his smartass was born and I can only one day hope to have a kiddo of my own just like him. Anyway, because Blizzard is awesome, they offered an in-game item that not only applies to his account BUT the proceeds are donated to the Red Cross. How cool is that? I love stuff like that. 

And a worthy cause from my childhood - I used to frequent Val's for The Cure and NIN cd's. I'm sorry to hear she's struggling. Guess I'll be contributing a little there too: http://valshallaparty.blogspot.com/

It wouldn't be the holiday season without a food drive as well! http://vad.aidmatrix.org/vadxml.cfm?driveid=7303

Gone but not forgotten!

"Some people can stay in your heart but not in your life..." 

So, I'm on a bit of a reminiscing kick. Thinking about those who take up space in my heart but are not active in my life for so many reasons, from death to distance to differences. It's funny, I want to reach out to them, just to know how they are, just to know they are doing ok and find out what they're up to these days. But, it's simply not possible - for some, I wouldn't even know how to find many of them, it's been so long. For others, it would possibly cause them pain that they do not deserve, nor want. My reaching out would be purely selfish, just a quick call for me but unleashing demons that are best left caged in distant memories for others. 

Given that I won't make the first move, I play a little game - imagining that their lives are everything they wanted or at least the good things that I wanted for them. I don't know that it's true for any of them but I like to think that it is. That these people who once influenced or were once influenced, are happy and healthy and leading wonderful lives. That when our paths crossed and then diverged, we managed to leave each other better people.

It must sound silly but I don't care. I do wish everyone peace, love and happiness - those in my life, those who are no longer a part of it and those who have never been.

I must not be the only one this happens to because someone came out of the woodwork the other day! I was beyond thrilled - our chat was brief but it warmed my heart. The past behind us and though things won't be the same - we're different people now - it doesn't mean we can't be something else. :-)

So, to those MIA, know this - you're in my heart, always and if you'd like to get reacquainted, I'd be more than happy to accommodate. 

Helper Monkey!!!!!

This holiday season is starting out on a disappointing note for me. I was informed the other day that I will not be receiving a helper monkey for Christmas. Nor am I getting the other item on my list, an oil change. I don't mean just a gift certificate to Jiffy Lube, I mean taking Mia to the mechanics and giving her a thorough lubing. Now...the caveat is that only two people have ever been allowed to drive Mia - one was family, in an emergency and the other was a very dear friend I went to visit out of state - I even let him take her out in the snow last winter. (Much love!)

So, to give me the second thing on my list would require wrestling Mia's keys from my hands....Which would require either some form of unconsciousness or death - making this a larger undertaking than Boyfriend was prepared for this holiday season. Plus he said it was very unboyfriendy to give me something like an oil change. I am disappointed. *sigh*

Since seemingly I have no idea what a boyfriend gift is supposed to constitute, and therefore cannot even wager a guess, I've resorted to wheedling. He won't tell me what he got for me but whatever it is, apparently, requires an audience. So I'm thinking he either got me a circus bear or a stripper pole. 

It makes me worry that my own gift, which requires no audience, might be lacking. Actually, his big gift does have audience potential, I suppose. It's wicked cool and I'm excited to give it. But it's not very "romantic" - but then neither am I....Meh, w/e if he doesn't enjoy it, I will. :-)

Did you all get your shopping done? I still have much more to go. *sigh* It's seemingly endless.