Friday, November 9, 2007

Flying turtles and several bottles of wine...


So, in our daily discussions of alien lesbian invasions of earth, B brings up Gamera (they're actually mutually exclusive, its just how the conversation went)! I almost had an aneurysm! I haven't thought of the giant, flying, spinning defender of Earth since I was about 8 years old and in my cousin's basement on Crandon (south side of Chicago)!! I was so excited, I could barely contain myself. So I went to Amazon and found a BOX SET - not the weenie cartoon version either, the REAL THING!! :) So, of course I'm going to order it an lock myself in my apartment for a day to watch all three movies in one sitting! YAY! Just more of a reason to be a recluse and totally withdraw from society....

So I went out with Tash tonight. We hit up a reasonably new restaurant in Oak Park for some fantastic food and a few bottles of wine - boy, the two of us can really pack away the wine. I am going to be a hurting unit tomorrow when I have to write my 20 page Organizational Analysis....sigh...such an idiot am I....oh well...I think it was worth it... Anyway...I should go to bed shortly. I've got to be up early in the morning and AbbyCat is having nine fits about sharing my attention with the computer this evening!

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Nightmares...


So last night I woke with a start at around 4am. I had a nightmare. Not that its all that unusual for me to have a nightmare but usually they don't wake me up. However, this one was involving school. In my dream I got a C and apparently panicked. So I had to get up and check my grades - so insane. I never cared much before what grades I got so I'm not so sure why I care so damn much now...heaven forbid I actually find reasonable balance. I am all about one extreme or another...I think I may be trying to drive myself nuts....

Actually, a little stay in the looney bin doesn't sound so bad right about now....

I think I may have to give up dating for a while. It takes a LOT of energy without much reward. Don't get me wrong, some of these guys have been great but it seems like the ones I really like are....troubled?...Or incapable of communicating...or acting like an adult....Hmmm...not sure if this is a reflection upon myself or not. I mean, its not like I know them for very long to get any sort of sense about them. I just generally find myself enjoying their company and then they flake out....Its really just annoying, more than anything. I mean seriously, its not that difficult.

Or maybe it is. Maybe I just expect too much - I think that's always been a problem of mine...oh well...if I stop dating, there will be no expectations. Just for the time being. I have to admit I am pretty busy between work, school and family obligations. But I'm also starting to feel lonely - which makes this a tough call. But then I fear losing my independence again - which is what a relationship has meant for me in the past.

My life is starting to just feel like a waking nightmare. Full of uncertainty and scary places and emptiness....sigh....

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Such is life...


Well, I can't figure people out to save my life so I think I'll stop trying. I went for a little constitutional in the cemetery after my dr's appointment this afternoon. It did me some good, both the appointment and the meditation in the cemetery - helped clear some of the cob webs and dust bunnies that have been building up in my head.

Recently met what I thought was a great guy - so far, the best of the bunch (or so I thought) but the feeling is apparently not mutual. Oh well....I actually think we might have been on two different dates when we went out, LOL - not sure what went wrong but apparently something did - so much so that our conversations have turned to shriveled up, juiceless raisins....sigh......

B is still around though our schedules NEVER synch up. Basically one of us has to not sleep for a day - and usually a work day at that...sigh...so annoying...We've resorted to a few 5 minute phone calls here and there - frankly, I need more...

Though, and I realize its only been a few months, dating, while it can be fun and interesting, is hard work...sigh.....

The dr was decent today, nothing more than some routene bloodwork (need to know if I still have blood) and a couple of referrals to some specialists - so basically the usual. Just minor probing today. One would think I'd be used to it - well, I guess I actually am used to it but I still get a little funky every time I have to go....I got the flu shot so apparently I'm going to feel a little yucky tonight - great....

I wish I had something of consequence to write about today - or ever. It seems like, lately, I've had the creativitiy sucked right out of me. I suppose I could blame work or school but I don't know that either of those things are the cause. I don't know what it is....sigh.....the lack of muse? No, I still get those feelings when I watch the clouds or crunch through the fall leaves...its the words...they just won't come out....Oh, the trees tonight, in the rich sunlight were brilliant. If I had more time, I would have lain down under one of those trees with the leaves the color of sunset and just let the light filter down onto me...I wished I had my Pentax with me...I really need to invest in a decent digital camera....Or get used to using film again....see, total ADD tonight...and every night....

Well, I should go...I've got homework and a school chat tonight.