Sick and tired of being sick and tired....

So, i'm feeling a touch better today. Not yet 100% though. This has been so obnoxious. Right now, i'm sitting at my desk waiting for a phone call from a classmate regarding the group project - the last thing i need to submit before i am DONE.

By this time tomorrow I will be a college graduate and a grad student.

I owe this success to a number of people, friends, family and those who fall into several categories - you know who you are! You're the ones who listened to me rant, whine and freak out - about assignments, deadlines and the general chaos that is this life that i lead....

You're the ones who believed in me, encouraged me, talked me off the various ledges i found myself upon. You're the ones who expected this of me, who didn't let me get away with any excuses. You're the ones who pushed, prodded and sometimes yelled. You're the ones who made time and accommodated and sometimes you just left me alone to do what needed to be done.

You gave of yourselves so selflessly - I will be eternally grateful.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I couldn't have done this without all of you!!! (and get ready for it to start all over again, lmao, sorry...)

Still sick...

Ugh. Another day full of homework and illness. I've grown very weary of both. I need a vacation - I actually don't even feel well enough for one...though I've been toying with the idea of booking one anyway. I could really use a break....Right now all i want to do is crawl into bed..or a hot bath...Unless something amazing happens tonight I'll be back at the doctors on Monday. That'll be a great way to spend my day off. I took it off to celebrate my graduation (I planned on doing laundry and running a few errands, woo hoo, do I know how to party or what!?!?!?!).

Oh well....

Blood...

"Between the red cells and white, something's not right..."

So. the results are in. the white count is higher than it was two weeks ago and the platelets are as well.."not right" is an understatement.....

i've just started seeing Dr. Guo as my faith in western medicine has been waning these past few years...but the regular Drs. now say i need a hematologist because this is getting serious...

i'm torn. i think i want to give Dr. Guo the full month to see what happens...Yet, at the same time i'm really scared. i mean i know that this has been going on a while but it keeps getting worse...

sigh...can i please get a break? maybe i need to put the Master's program off for a bit...i am feeling a little run down...i don't know....

Times like these....

In times of crisis it's so true that your real friends are the ones who rally around you. This has been an interesting experience for me. When people call me a friend or I consider them a "friend" there are things that are implied - certain expectations that are simply understood.

My life has been in a state of crisis for the past few months. Between the chemotherapy, my illnesses, my mothers illness, going back to school, a full time job, and the day to day things that make life, well, the struggle that it often is....my life is just that, a struggle (though I remain optimistic). So, it is during these times that the true meaning of love and friendship are put to the test. And the majority of the people that have been in my life as of late, have sadly failed this test miserably. I believe that some part of me chooses people who are like my father - someone who also failed this test repeatedly. When the going get tough, the weak bail. I don't believe this is coincidental. I just have to unlearn this pattern and be more selective.


I owe my real friends a big thank you! Your true colors have shown through and your support and love and encouragement are appreciated! I love you all and you know who you are. You are the ones that have called me almost daily and emailed me even when I was unable to respond. You are the ones who just sit with me when I can't speak. You are the reason I am getting through with so few scars! :) Thank you, again and again and again.....